I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
