Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize