Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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