So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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