It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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