I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
