wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
