We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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