is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
