You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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