She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
