Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize