Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
