he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had sex on a roof
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
