This girl is more easily done than said...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
