she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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