How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
