he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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