This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
