Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
