i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
