Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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