how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
