i think i have herpe
just one?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
