Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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