i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
