nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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