i don't like sucking hair
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
