Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
