I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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