She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
