I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
