I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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