I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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