If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
