dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
