she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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