ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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