I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
