We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
