Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
