she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
