I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
