i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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