all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
