Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize