just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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