she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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