Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
