I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
