My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
