just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
