mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
