I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
