Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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