Four minutes until I can fart!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
