I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
