I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
