Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i will never coherently bang her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
