i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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