I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
