No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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