I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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