your room smells of hookers.
And success
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
