Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
