I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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