I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who died my cat blue again?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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