we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
