I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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