he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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