I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
