I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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