I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
