i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
