So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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