i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
