; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
