pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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