This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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