Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FUCK WHALES
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize