Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
